secrets
by goldenshadows
Summary: Xander finds out he belongs to a different family then he always thought. Supernatural crossover.
1. Chapter 1

_**Secrets**_

Xander stared at the pieces of paper clutched tightly in his hand. The black ink was now committed to memory. "Please tell me that doesn't say what I know it says," he asked his two best friends.

"They look pretty real Xand," Willow Rosenburg murmured.

He would always remember the day he found the adoption papers. It was a few weeks after Willow had returned from England. They had been catching up and looking through his old things from high school. Of course his parents couldn't be civilized while they had guests and got into another drunken row, and the attic was the only place to escape their yelling. The papers had been lying amongst old photos and bills, gathering dust. Alexander Winchester, not Harris. He had never been a Harris.

"Look at it this way," Willow continued. "You're always saying you hate your parent's right? You might have a family that's the complete opposite to them. They might even be rich or famous! I'll look them up if you want."

Xander was looking more and more lost each minute. Gone was the mask of jokes he so often wore. "I know I say that, but doesn't everyone? They're all I've ever known Wills. This is my life and if it isn't real then who am I? I'm not really me. And why didn't they tell me about any of this? Why didn't they want me?"

Willow glanced at Buffy helplessly. Buffy had never seen him like this before. The only time that had come close was when she had lied about Angel coming back from hell. But anger she could deal with. The fear she saw in his eyes was something different, and alarming even for a slayer. It wasn't the life or death fear she was used to either, it was something else.

"That's not true," Buffy said firmly. "I don't think family makes you who you are. They can help you on your way. But you're still you. A good person and my friend. That won't change."

"Hmmm. Nothing coming up on Winchester," said Willow, staring at her computer screen. "Unless…" she blinked. The family's home town had appeared on a website. Something about a fire. The dad had made it out alive with two sons and then they had all disappeared seemingly off the face of the earth. Well, Xander didn't need to know something like that! At least not now. There had to be something else. "I'll keep looking."

Buffy frowned at her tone, but luckily Xander was too distracted to notice.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I swear if you try and change the music one more time Sam," warned Dean.

"Ok, ok. But this can get old fast!" Sam answered in mock surrender.

"I can't believe you said that. You seriously want your ass out on the road?" Dean defended his band of the moment.

Sam couldn't help the smirk that was appearing on his face.

"You asked for it!" Dean swerved the car on the empty road and pulled to a sudden stop.

"Welcome to Sunnydale. Looks like I won't have to walk far!" he answered, not moving an inch.

Finally, Dean rolled his eyes. "How this town can be as bad a place as you say it is beats me. I mean, it is called Sunnydale."

"Well, there's all those strange stories about the old high school being blown up on graduation day. And even before that. And that nightmare I had about that boy in trouble…what was his name again?"

"Alexander."

"Right. I remember someone calling him that. xander . He was in trouble."

Dean started the car again. "If this goes bad for us, I'm telling dad it's you're fault!"

Sam frowned. "I know it looked like something serious, but I'm not sure it'll turn out bad. Like this is important to us somehow. You know what I mean?"

"Hardly ever Sammy. But let's go find out if you're right."


	2. Chapter 2

I don't own any of the characters in this story. And by the way, the rating has gone up.

Chapter Two

The heat was near suffocating and he couldn't sleep. He tossed and turned but no matter what, he still ended up staring at the ceiling. So many questions kept haunting him. Who was his real family and where were they? Did he have sisters, brothers, cousins aunts or uncles? Did they know about him or care? Xander got up for water - which still didn't help. Had his parents - step parents known his real family or were they strangers? What the hell had happened? Did his real mum and dad want to give him up or did they have no choice? There were lots more.

Finally he managed to drift off in the early hours of the morning, but soon wished that he hadn't. He now knew how Buffy felt when she had one of her prophetic slayer dreams, because this one was so real. There was fire everywhere. Reaching higher and higher engulfing the rooms. He saw John picking up Sam, running out into the hall, away from the harsh reds, oranges and gold's, saw John handing Sam to Dean. "Take your brother outside and don't look back!" Dean ran outside moments later followed by John, the windows exploding behind them….

He woke up with a headache, squinting against the sunlight filtering in through a gap in the curtains. Ok, weird dream. I've just watched one two many horror movies in my life that's all. I'm now going to get up, go to work and have a nice, normal day. It was one of the worse thing he could think of, because after all, he lived on the hell mouth.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The two brothers lay asleep in the hotel room they had paid. The traffic past by noisily outside and a slayer was patrolling the streets nearby. Sam snapped awake the same time Xander fell asleep without knowing why. But then he saw her, standing across the room. He sat up so suddenly he felt dizzy.

"Hello, Sam."

This couldn't be real, not happening, wasn't possible. But of course, in his line of work, anything was possible. "But you're…"

"I know. It was a real shock to me as well, let me tell you!"

How could she be joking?

"Jess. I'm sorry."

"I know you are. Me too. But I know you did all you could. That thing was too strong, whatever it was."

"I'll find it," Sam promised. "I'll find it and kill it. I miss you so much."

"I know you will, I miss you too. But listen Sammy. If there was a way we could be together, would you help me? Would you do anything to make it happen?"

"Of course," he nodded without thinking.

"It would be great Sam. No more running or hiding. No more hunts. No more family telling you about responsibility or duty. You could join me."

That's when he snapped out of his daze. This was wrong. The girl he knew would never say anything like that. "You're not Jess," he said suddenly.

She suddenly looked very different. He hated the way the thing wore her face, making it look so evil.

"No, not exactly." her voice, once so angelic now sounded cold. "But I almost had you."

"What are you. What do you want?"

"I want to break you Sammy. That's what I want. Winchester equals trouble and I've got enough in this town. But there are other ways I can try. And there's still some more of you here to play with."

"My dad and Dean are stronger then you think. We can fight you."

The first smiled and shook its head. "You have your own family mission to deal with. You think your father will have time to deal with me? But he should, everyone should. I'm the thing that everyone should fear. And your family isn't as strong as you'd like to think. You're dad also has his weaknesses." It paused and went over to kneel by Dean's bed. "But that's not what I meant. I meant Dean and…"

"Get out of here," Sam ordered, cutting it off before he could hear the rest.

"It doesn't matter. You all think you're better then the rest? You'll find out you're wrong! Have sweet nightmares Sammy. And remember, from beneath you I devour."

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Dean sat with Sam eating the breakfast that came with the meal. He frowned as he poked at the food hesitantly with his fork. If you could call it food, but a man has to eat. He then chewed the almost burnt bacon trying not to gag. "Definitely the worst thing I've ever tasted," he told Sam, but there was no answer. Sam hadn't said a word all morning. Yet again he had his head buried in the newspaper.

"Ok, you know me, right? Not a big fan of heavy conversation. But anything right now would be good," still nothing.

"You've got to give me a break sometime kiddo. Sam…"

Sam glanced up and blinked, as if just realising Dean was there. "You say something?"

Dean sighed patiently. "Not really. But then neither have you." His younger brother shrugged and had a sip of coffee. Then he grimaced.

"This is a drink? In what way is this a drink? Go and get our money back Dean."

"So what's up with you?"

Sam went suddenly quiet again. "It's nothing that important. Just a dream I had last night."

"Another one?"

"It was about Jess, which makes me think it was a dream. It was so real though. Plus when I really start to remember, it gets hazy. I remember she was different. She'd changed somehow. So, you think I'm crazy?"

Dean should have expected something like this. He hadn't mentioned Jess in a while. "Sometimes," he answered, before realising nothing about this was funny. "No, I don't think you're crazy. I just think grief makes things seem different," he paused for a moment. "I mean after mum…and what happened to you, anyone would have nightmares."

"Where's the real Dean?" Sam attempted a smile, but it was a weak one.

"Still here. We'd better get going."

"So I figure the plan is to look up construction sites and ask around. That's where the guy gets attacked. It's a small town so there can't be that many," said Sam once they where outside.

Typically, it was the last one they visited. "Xander?" asked the man they were interrogating. "Sure, but he's on a break. Can I take a message or something? No clue where he is."

"Nah. We'll get him after work," Dean answered. He was disappointed; he was hoping this would be over with quickly. It turned out to be a long wait. Dean tapped the steering wheel and groaned in frustration.

"That won't make time go faster," Sam told him. "See, there he is."

Xander was the last one to leave and it was nearing sunset. "I'm guessing he works overtime," Dean muttered, glancing at his watch.

Xander stood by his car a few moments and was soon joined by a blonde girl. "Girlfriend," Sam said instantly.

"You're so pessimistic," Dean laughed quietly getting out of the car. "Sister."

Buffy herself was feeling slightly nervous, and she didn't know why. Just don't mention adoption, she told herself. Or parents, or family in general. This was silly of course, especially when she'd told him nothing would change. "Hi Xand," she said brightly.

"Hi," he said with a nod. "Need a lift?"

"Nope. Duty calls etc. So Willow and I were thinking bronze tomorrow. Haven't done that in a while."

He smiled briefly. "Could be fun. Will Anya be there?"

Buffy was surprised. She knew he still cared about her, but not to act on it anymore. Not after what had happened. She tried to be as sympathetic as possible, but he had left her at the alter. But maybe she had pushed him into marriage too fast. Normally Buffy liked to keep out of it. Still Anya was a safe enough topic compared to other things. "I don't know. She's kind of been on her own a lot. And since she went all vengancy again, I'm thinking not." Buffy turned round thinking she heard footsteps, but there was nothing there. I'm loosing my touch, she thought, not pleased with the idea.

"Can't help but try," Xander shrugged. He realised it was now dark and had just got out his keys when a howl rang out through the clear night and he and Buffy both froze.

Dean and Sam also froze in their hiding place. "Werewolf?" Dean moaned. "You never said anything about that."

"I told you, I couldn't see it clearly. Come on."

The wolf was huge and pure black in colour. They managed to get over to Buffy and Xander without it making any move at all.

"I knew I heard something. What are you guys doing out here?" exclaimed Buffy.

"No time," Dean shouted back as the wolf chose that moment to charge at them. Astonishing the two newcomers, Buffy leapt high into the air to avoid impact and actually leapt over the creature, which came to a sudden halt, having lost sight of its prey.

"Hey, you missed me, over here," she said calmly.

"How did you do that?" asked Sam in amazement.

"No time," she mimicked Dean, pointing as the wolf turned round, catching sight of Xander. Horrified, she watched as it caught her friend by surprise and leapt at him. Sharp claws raked through his skin as he fell under the heavy weight. Blood ran down his arm from his shoulder.

Both brothers were always armed when they went out on a hunt, so Dean pulled out one of his guns and fired. The wolf yelped and rolled off Xander sideways, but unfortunately the bullets weren't silver. "Catch!" shouted Sam and threw a knife at his brother. "Lifesaver Sam!" The wolf was soon laying still, Buffy helping Xander to his feet.

TBC.

Bit busy at the moment, will update soon.


	4. Chapter 4

The werewolf was buried as quickly as possible and as securely as Buffy could manage. Xander watched her and Dean as they worked, Sam tying a bandage around his wound that he had taken from their first aid supplies.

"That was a person once," he murmured.

Dean looked up at him. "Hey, it was self defence. I got no room for guilt in my life on top of everything else, so that's the way it stands for me."

"Well….you didn't know oz!" Xander said without meaning to and this time Buffy looked up. "You don't know what he went through, what we all did with things like this. What's right or wrong who to kill or not. you don't get it."

"We get it more then you think," Sam stood up for his brother.

Xander sighed. "Look, its ok. I don't know you, my arm hurts and I'm pissed off. Its just your so cold about it all…I guess I don't get you. And what if this happens to me?"

Buffy walked over to him. "Did the thing actually bite you? Because if not I don't think you have to worry about that. I can get willow to do a spell just to check, but you'll be fine. And guys, what's with all the arguments? We're on the same side here." she paused and looked around. "We should get you to a hospital Xand."

He nodded. "Let's go."

They took the brother's impala and it was one of the longest rides of Xanders life. Something about Sam and Dean unnerved him but he didn't know why.

Buffy sat beside him flipping through Deans tape collections looking at their labels. "Nirvana, Metalica, chilli peppers…interesting."

"Buffy," Sam warned. "Don't talk to him about music. It could last for days."

"No…it's not that I don't like it but try living in the now ok? A cd player would be nice."

Dean nodded seriously. "Fine it's done. First thing in the morning, you get me the money and it'll happen babe."

She had a comeback all ready for him but chose silence instead. They parked the car and walked into the hospital with people giving them weird looks as they passed. With their dirty faces, torn clothes, blood showing through the white bandage and scruffy hair they didn't look at all pretty.

"What happened to you?" the receptionist's bubbly voice rang out over the waiting area.

"Bar fight," Buffy replied instantly. "There was also….a big dog involved," she pointed to Xander. "A white Alsatian…looked like a wolf actually." Xander coughed loudly.

The receptionist frowned slightly. "Hey, do I know you from somewhere?"

"Me? Nope, never been here before in my life. Can we see a doctor now though?"

Liar, thought Dean approvingly. But a good one.

_The first walked through the corridors of the hospital wearing the face of the slayer. It wore dark clothes and make up, looking nothing like the slayer everyone knew. It looked like a twisted shadow of her. _

_It loved how no one could see it unless it wanted them to, and marvelled at the damage and pain it had caused tonight. The little boy's death in the room down the hall, bitten by a vampire. The wife cowering from her husband while the doctors away checking her charts. And of course the werewolf attack earlier…._

_It stood in front of them as they talked. "You can't see me but I'm everywhere." The words were the same it had told her all those years go. "You and your friends can't stop me. After all, isn't death supposed to be your gift?"_

Buffy looked up from talking to Dean. "What's wrong?" he asked her.

"Nothing, I thought I heard… it's just nothing."

_The first smiled as Xander came back from having his stitches done. "My beautiful boys. I have big plans for you." _

"See that wasn't so bad," said buffy, teasing him, but Xander wasn't in the mood for jokes.

"So many memories," she continued brightly. "Just up those stairs is where I was taken after I got shot last year. My best friend willow saved my life with dark magics though."

Sam, concentrating on her words knocked into nurse on the way out. "Remind me not to get her mad."

"Oh, she's good now. That's all sorted out. And down there is the room where oz, willow and cordelia tried to re ensoul angel, my ex boyfriend. Just before he tried to kill us…he's a vampire you see."

"Right, got it. Wait…vampires? Is it even possible for them to get a soul?" asked Dean.

"Yep he works in LA helping all those helpless. Or he's supposed to be. Maybe I should call them see if they're still alive…" her voice trailed off.

Xander wondered why she was bringing all this up in such a casual way, but then realised she probably had a point, she always did.

"So you see there's a lot we don't know about each other. We have to find a place to talk freely about this."

Xander sighed. He really didn't feel like a trip down memory lane. He sighed. "I really hate to suggest it, but we can go to Willys bar. Its not like anyone there will care what we say!"

"Brilliant, are you up for it?"

Xander shrugged. "Sure, guess I'll have to be." the sooner they got this out of the way the better.

tbc

btw are there any pairings people would like to see in this? Open to suggestions buffy/Dean, Faith/Sam?


End file.
